Lifestyles of the rich and commencement-speaking
Commencement speech rosters are too full of money-chasing, clueless grifters
I have an ironic, disaffected soft spot for the university commencement speech. There is something darkly funny about a transparently corrupt practice that persists despite nobody enjoying it. What could be an uplifting inspiration to the students as they graduate and move to the next step in their lives is too often the first time students witness transactional corruption at an elite level.
Consider how bad must it look to the students who, during what’s supposed to be a celebration, are forced to listen at length to a speaker who is visibly coasting on their celebrity in exchange for an easy six-figure payday (or, perhaps even worse, using them as a stepping stone to more commencements down the road). What could be more callous and cynical than to systematically skim off the top of tuition funds to soft-bribe a VIP? Because the speeches are so often cookie-cutter lists of cliches (“Just don't lose your humor. It’s not an accessory. It's your Stanley Cup water bottle on the brutal, long hike of life.” - Jerry Seinfeld…), the only real message students can take away is this: People more important than you are allowed to make your special day 20% shittier so they can steal your time and money.
And of course this year’s commencement season comes on the heels of student protests against the war in Gaza, which makes the profiteering only more brazen, greedy, and out of touch.
Defenders of the system will often explain what they see as the pros and cons. On the plus side, a viral speech by a famous speaker can be free marketing for the university, provide the graduating class with inspiring words from someone they look up to, and a positive impression and good stories for the speaker if the university ever comes up in conversation.
But most students can understand that any purported benefits to them (good vibes) pale in comparison to the what the colleges and speakers get - the colleges a chance to boost their prestige, and the speakers a sometimes hefty check and the status of being someone considered important enough to give a commencement speech.
If the students see it as a corrupt exercise, school administrators should acknowledge a crisis and put an end to the practice immediately. The fact that they don’t says a lot about the university’s priorities. Forget long-term credibility as long as I get to scratch the back of a famous person, I assume they think.
So I decided that with commencements such a hot topic, it would be worthwhile to watch some speakers to see what they bring to the table. Going in, I expected to see a parade of ghouls offering self-evident and self-serving advice. But could I be wrong about commencement speakers despite my years paying attention to them?
What I found was a huge range. Some speakers are independently wealthy and/or have an agenda to push (Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker). Others are middlingly famous/rich and see value in the commencement speech as a vehicle for self-promotion. And still others fall somewhere in between (CEO of Nike, Jerry Seinfeld). The four speakers below all bring something different to the table - a cosmetics entrepreneurship influencer who gave a viral commencement speech, Oprah, Stedman, and Bernie Sanders.
Jamie Kern Lima, Utah Valley University (May 3, 2024)
American entrepreneur, investor, and media personality. Co-founded IT Cosmetics, which she sold to L'Oréal for $1.2 billion in 2016, becoming the first female chief executive officer of a L'Oréal brand. Has been included on the Forbes' list of "America's Richest Self-Made Women" since 2017.
Gist of speech: “That person who called you ‘rejected’ may one day have to call you ‘BOSS!’”
Lima was my first YouTube result for “commencement speech 2024” and while I hadn’t heard of her, many others clearly have. She’s got 540k followers on Instagram, 126k on Facebook, and 50k subscribers on YouTube.
The commencement speech, as with the rest of her videos, offers inspiration for entrepreneurs using her personal story as fodder. She’s peddling a very familiar version of the American dream here: if you believe in yourself and work hard, anyone in this country can make their dreams come true. It’s a nice message for a graduation, but does it ring true?
She says, “Imagine what you would do if you have no fear of rejection or failure? When you change your relationship with rejection, you change your entire life.” She then recounts some real-life anecdotes to demonstrate how this principle works. First, she and her husband quit their jobs and invested all their money in their idea to make cosmetics for people with skin conditions. They had trouble getting distributors to sell the products until she had a viral moment on QVC where she removed the makeup step by step to show how well it hides her rosacea.
This is such a narrow, self-serving vision of success that elides discussion of how they found themselves anywhere within smelling distance of launching a cosmetics startup. Anyone reading this, turn and RUN if someone tells you success is all about individual risk-taking and hard work without giving due credit to life circumstances, wealth, ruthlessness, pure luck, innate talent, or any number of other factors.
And there is a lot about Lima that will no be true of her audience. She was a highly achieving member of the elite (local beauty queen, news broadcaster) long before entering the cosmetics industry. Her husband is a Wall Street guy and sits on the boards of Columbia University and its Business School. So he’s similarly privileged and has connections to the people and infrastructure to invest in a venture like this.
It’s a disservice to the students to lie about your success story or make it seem like anyone could have done what you did. And the sweaty marketing for her YouTube channel underscores an element of self-promotion. Lima has outdone herself living up to the worst tropes and poisonous ideology that made me want to write this article in the first place.
Oprah Winfrey (Tennessee State University, 2023)
American talk show host, television producer, actress, author, and media proprietor. Best known for her talk show, The Oprah Winfrey Show, broadcast from Chicago, which ran in national syndication for 25 years, from 1986 to 2011.
Gist of the speech: “Jesus guided a white local producer to listen to the black radio station where I was working and recruit me to work on TV. If it weren’t for them and my father’s strict upbringing (not to mention a whole lot of hustling and talent on my end) I wouldn’t be here today. Likewise, you should align with God’s dream for you.”
This one was probably the most fun to watch. Oprah, perhaps the original “influencer,” returns to her alma mater almost 50 years after she finished there, and it’s only because she gave in after the graduation planner begged her to come for ten years. That might help explain why the stakes feel very low - Oprah is here because she feels like it. And she’s having fun, even channeling the feeling of being an undergrad by spontaneously launching into TSU’s school song. She was also apparently comfortable enough to divulge personal problems that only Oprah could have (“I have 20 daughters from my school in South Africa so there are so many graduations to go to!”).
It makes sense to me that Oprah would be among the few commencement speakers self-aware enough to know her success didn’t occur in a vacuum. There’s a shrewd level-headedness to Oprah, and I don’t get the impression she allows herself to be surrounded by yes-people. Good on Oprah for being so generous of spirit, and good for the students of TSU that Oprah decided to bless them with her presence that day!
Stedman Graham, Ashford University (AZ, 2014*)
Chairman & CEO, S. Graham & Associates; self-help author; founder, Athletes Against Drugs
Gist of speech: “If you don’t know who you are, other people are going to define you.”
There’s a sad irony for Stedman Graham to warn students against letting another person define who you are. Because as Oprah’s long-time romantic partner, “maverick with a unique personality” isn’t exactly his public image. To many, he’s the ultimate kept man, contentedly living under his richer girlfriend’s shadow for decades.
From what I can Google, Stedman does not appear to be involved in any major corporate boards or investments. Instead he seems to keep himself busy as a leadership consultant and public speaker, with engagements and promotional pages dominating the search results.
One area where he seems to be dabbling in the business world is as an advisor to the Harambe Entrepreneur Alliance, an association of African tech startups that combine resources to apply for financing (sadly no relation to the late, great gorilla of the same name).
I come away disappointed that for whatever reason, Stedman has not taken the step from “well known and respected business speaker” to “board member who gets fat cuts of corporate profits for very little work.” Is Oprah keeping her man down? His day-to-day career seems to be centered around speaking engagements and leadership seminars. Too bad he doesn’t actually lead anything!
** Stedman gave a speech this year but I wasn’t able to find the video.
Bernie Sanders (University of New England, 2024)
Gist of speech: “The system is working extraordinarily well… for the people who OWN the system!” (Say it like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog)
Bernie is not a regular commencement speaker, but he’s definitely an agenda-pusher. My guess is he took a speaking gig this year to promote his Senate campaign (he did another speech six years ago, the last time he needed to be reelected).
Overall, although I maintain my criticisms of the institution of commencement speeches, as speeches go this is probably one of the best messages new graduates could possibly hear: An extended, substantive, and strenuous case for social democracy in America.
Are commencement speeches actually good? No, but they can be good when they actually get real
Having come into this exercise absolutely hating commencement speeches and thinking they were a total waste of time and money, it was a pleasant surprise to come across a few that were either fine or actually kinda good. Oprah and Bernie in particular put in strong efforts, managing to be affable and congratulatory while also getting real about how fucked up the world is (I had to laugh when Oprah tried to balance out the negative picture with good things about the world. Finland joining NATO was her big example of how the world is heading in the right direction…).
All the same, it’s time to dismantle the slimy mechanism to pay massive sums to hire speakers. It attracts grifters and undermines confidence in the school system and ultimately our society overall. If the current generation of leaders cares about building faith in our institutions, maybe they shouldn’t allow them to be pilfered and exploited this way!